Based on research and experience, it’s not just Aretha Franklin that wants R-E-S-P-E-C-T, its every one of us! We are wired to be social. In social relationships, there is an essential human need to feel loved and respected. A theory developed in 1958 by Will Schutz really spells out these needs in practical terms. This model for relationships is called the Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation, or FIRO for short. I have found this model to be very useful for helping people transform troublesome relationships into more satisfying ones. Continue
My Articles about relationships
Father’s Day is coming soon. What kind of present have you picked out in celebration of Father’s Day? In regards to common Father’s Day presents, Bill Cosby is quoted as saying “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” I have not yet received soap-on-a-rope from my kids, but I’ll be happy when I do. My happiness will come from knowing that my kids were thinking good thoughts about me when they picked out a gift or made me a picture. Continue
This is the fourth installment of a series exploring 15 traits of healthy families, identified by Dolores Curran as vital to family success. Traits nine through 12 will be covered in this column. The four traits we’ll examine this month all have to do with boundaries. In every family, there are physical and relational boundaries. Healthy families are those that; 9) share responsibilities, 10) have a sense of right and wrong, 11) respect the privacy of one another, and 12) admit to and seek help with problems. These traits have to do with boundaries between family members, the boundaries of what is morally acceptable, and the boundary between the family and the larger community. Continue
In families, the most important relationship is the mother-father relationship. You’ve heard it said that “happy parents make happy kids?” It’s true. The stability of the family rests on the mother and father (or parent and stepparent) maintaining a strong and healthy bond. Every so often, this column will be devoted to providing information that is designed to enrich the couple relationship. This month, I want to share a couple of important relationship skills. The first is called “Sharing Withholds,” and the second is “The Habit of Happiness.” Both of these skills were taught to me by Dr. Les Parrott, a well-known author and marital expert. More information on his writings and teaching can be found at http://www.realrelationships.com. Continue
Some very compelling research on marriage has emerged from the University of Washington in the last few years. Psychology professor John Gottman and his team of researchers have developed a lab the press has dubbed “The Love Lab.” In their laboratory which is set up like an apartment, Gottman and his fellow researchers observe couples as they interact. They see it all; the good, the bad, and the ugly interactions that can take place in marriage. Each partner’s stress levels are measured several times a day through heart rate monitors, stress hormone levels, video monitoring, blood pressure, and interviews. This data is then used to create mathematical models that can predict whether a couple will divorce or not in the next three years. Research has shown their prediction models are more than 90% accurate! Continue
