Over the last forty years the percentage of adults who are married has dramatically decreased. This is due in part to steady increases in divorces, but also due to people choosing to live together without getting married. Nevertheless, in 2007 the Washington Post issued a report that the fertility rate was the highest it’s been in 35 years! What this means is that more and more children are being born to parents who aren’t married. Relationship stability is lower on average for cohabiting couples than for married couples. A report on the website “smartmarriages.com” explains that 75% of children of cohabiting couples will experience their parents splitting up before the child turns 16. This rate goes down to about 33% for children of married parents*. So what this really means is that more and more children are living in situations where custody of the child is shared between two or more households. Continue
My Articles about Parenting
I see plenty of adults who are punishing themselves because they aren’t someone else. Most of them started as children who felt punished because they weren’t someone else. This someone else they never were is not even a real person, it’s an ideal. This ideal was communicated to them by their parents and it is an anachronism, a relic, based on expectations, dreams, and hopes that the parent had for their child. Parental expectations and visions of the ideal child are formed before the baby is even born. Every parent develops these hopes and dreams to some extent. Mostly these are based on societal images of success, because for some reason we equate what others view as success as the key to eternal bliss and contentment for our children. So really what parents want is for their children to be happy and content. Continue
Parenthood is great in many ways. Becoming a parent, however, is a growth process and it takes a lot of learning through trial and error. Bill Cosby says “Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.” Those of us who are parents can agree it’s much harder than we thought, but there is also the potential for great joy and happiness as a parent. When I found out that my wife was pregnant the first time, I had only the slightest idea how my life was about to change. Before I had kids of my own, I had some friends who were parents. When I told them we were expecting, these friends – with spit up on their shoulders and crying babies in the background – would grin and say how much they were looking forward to us having a child to take care of. Looking back, I think the grin was more sadistic than celebratory. It’s like they couldn’t wait to see us suffer and stagger through the transition to parenthood. Continue
Most parents of teens will tell you their adolescent child is doing well if they have managed to avoid the “Three D’s”: drinking, drugs, and delinquency. When you think about it, this is a backwards way of viewing the wellness of teens. I recently ran across an interview with a well-known expert on child development that got me thinking about this. Richard Lerner, a developmental psychologist specializing in adolescence has recently written a book that challenges the negative mindset about teens called “The Good Teen.” Continue
Last month’s column introduced the traits of good communication and valuing family time and conversation. In this issue, three more of the 15 traits from Dolores Curran’s book, “Traits of a Healthy Family” will be covered. Traits 3 – 5 have to do with providing every family member with a sense of inclusion and acceptance. Continue
