Patrick Ward, PhD » Family

Being Present for the Presents

Patrick Ward — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 11:20:23 +0000

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To the spouse who is leaving

Patrick Ward — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 17:43:59 +0000

To the spouse who is thinking of leaving…
I’m going to be saying some things here that I want you to know and consider. These are words of wisdom and counsel that I believe you need in what is one of the most critical periods of your life. Before you make any lasting decisions about your commitment to your spouse and your children, you need to be aware of the consequences of your decisions.
You are likely angry or frustrated about many things right now. The fact is most people are not solving any problems or getting any peace by leaving the marriage. In fact, you are probably creating many more problems. If you have children, this is especially true.
Maybe you will find happiness with another person. Regardless of which person you are with, your spouse or someone new, the same work on your SELF is necessary. If you remain the same, you will have the same type of relationship again. Whatever problems you didn’t resolve and work out with your spouse will need to be worked out with someone else I guarantee it. The only way this isn’t true is if you can find someone to overpower and bully around the rest of your life. That isn’t a marriage and it’s not Love. You may feel less vulnerable and more in control in such a relationship but that isn’t a loving relationship and will therefore be less rewarding and less meaningful.
Marriages definitely have their ups and downs. These ups and downs are tied to several outside influences. Finances, health, family stress, job stress. Divorce will not magically solve these problems! Furthermore, when the passion and intimacy in a marriage is suffering, it’s easy to fantasize that someone else out there will better meet your needs. Unfortunately, that’s all it is – a fantasy. As soon as real, everyday life sets in with a new relationship the same old problems will be there too. “Marriage is agreeing to a set of problems” is a quote I use often. There is no problem-free marriage out there folks! ALL problems are solvable if both people are truly committed to the marriage. Boredom, abuse, affairs, addictions, betrayals, can all be resolved if both people are willing to change and let go of resentments. Continue

In-Laws: A Vital Pillar of Support

Patrick Ward — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:23:44 +0000

In the “crazy-in-love” days of dating through the honeymoon period, most people don’t give much thought to the impact that their spouse’s parents can have on the marriage. The truth is though, with all other things being equal, in-laws can make or break a marriage. More specifically, the husband or wife’s relationship with their in-laws and whether or not the in-laws support the marriage are very important factors in marital satisfaction and stability. These truths have been supported in research by sociologists and marital experts. So in-laws have much more to offer than comedic relief in “Everybody Loves Raymond” or being the butt of good jokes, like this one: Continue

Successful Summer Traveling – The Road Trip

Patrick Ward — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 17:09:51 +0000

A road trip with school-age children requires planning and flexibility. It requires realistic expectations. It also requires good self-care for the parents, or you’ll feel like you need your own vacation after the family vacation. To illustrate these points, let me tell you a story about my good friend Chadd. Continue

The Gift of a Father’s Presence

Patrick Ward — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:15:07 +0000

Father’s Day is coming soon. What kind of present have you picked out in celebration of Father’s Day? In regards to common Father’s Day presents, Bill Cosby is quoted as saying “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” I have not yet received soap-on-a-rope from my kids, but I’ll be happy when I do. My happiness will come from knowing that my kids were thinking good thoughts about me when they picked out a gift or made me a picture. Continue

Traits of Healthy Families – Part 5

Patrick Ward — Tue, 15 May 2007 20:50:22 +0000

Ready or not, the holidays are upon us! Hopefully this means you are excited and in the spirit rather than stressed out by this holiday season. It has worked out well that this last column on traits of healthy families will cover traits that show how important the holidays can be to your family wellness. This is the last installment in a series on the 15 traits of healthy families identified by family expert Dolores Curran. The three traits left to discuss are that healthy families have rituals and traditions, value service to others, and have a shared religious core. Continue

Traits of Healthy Families – Part 3

Patrick Ward — Wed, 09 May 2007 20:47:48 +0000

This is the third installment of a series exploring 15 traits of healthy families, identified by Dolores Curran as important to family success. This month’s column will look at traits six through eight, which state that healthy families; 6) are playful and have a sense of humor, 7) have a balance of interaction among family members, and 8) share leisure time. These three traits discuss important ways in which healthy families share and participate in each other’s lives. As I write these columns on the traits of healthy families, I am struck again with the truth of how important these traits are to healthy family functioning. I also realize how easy it is to neglect implementing these traits, especially the ones in this month’s column. Continue

Traits of Healthy Families – Part 1

Patrick Ward — Thu, 03 May 2007 20:40:14 +0000

The summer season is entering its final stretch now. Families will be trying to squeeze a few more valuable vacations in before school starts. Sometimes August feels like “the calm before the storm” because the new school year often hits like a strong wind that scatters the children and blows apart the parents’ schedules. I want to encourage you to take what time is left this summer to shore up your family relationships and overall functioning. Now is the best time to change and improve things in your family, before the frenetic pace of school begins. Rather than worry about what’s going wrong in your family, its better to focus on what you want to go right. The best way to do this is to understand what healthy families do, and emulate these traits in your own family. As Thoreau said, “…you only hit what you aim at, so aim high.” Continue

“Quality Time” in Just a Few Minutes

Patrick Ward — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 21:00:22 +0000

Almost every magazine article, television or radio program you see talks about how busy the American family is these days, yet how important “Quality Time” is to the family. How the heck are you supposed to carve out quality time when there are so many demands on the family calendar? Some days get so hectic you may wonder if you have even spoken to your spouse or children that day. So, how much time is needed for it to be “Quality Time?” How about five minutes a day? What about just four minutes? Continue

Is Family Time Supposed to be Fun?

Patrick Ward — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 21:12:34 +0000

The topic for this month’s issue of Parent Magazine, family entertainment, got me thinking about the good times I’ve had with my family. I also remember some times that were, well, a little more challenging! Successfully creating entertaining activities for the whole family can be quite an undertaking. If you are reading this, and you have participated in family activities, you can probably recall some great times and a few really, really bad experiences. Have you ever tried to get the whole family to watch a movie together and end up watching it by yourself? How about those times you pay to take the family somewhere, and the kids argue the whole time and you have a headache by the end of the day? I guess what I’m trying to convey is that family entertainment is a great idea, but easier said than done! Let me relate to you some personal experience with good and bad family entertainment. These will be used to illustrate an important point later in the column. Continue