Patrick Ward, PhD » communication

Commitment

Patrick Ward — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 23:30:16 +0000

There is a lot of information out there about why marriages fail. A quick search of the internet turns up articles on how communication is the key to marital success. I don’t buy it, and neither should you. Communication is important, but what many don’t realize is that we are always communicating. In fact, you cannot NOT communicate. Everything you do communicates something. Whether you communicated what you intended is another story. Tony Robbins explains it best when he says “communication is defined by the response you get.” Continue

Household Labor – Are you Pulling Your Weight?

Patrick Ward — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:20:26 +0000

Picture a husband and wife in their late thirties, let’s call them Bill and Marie. Bill and Marie both work and have two school-aged kids. Bill’s workday is usually finished first, so he picks up the kids on his way home. When he gets home, Bill often chills out on the couch reading the mail while his kids watch cartoons until supper. When Marie gets home she hurriedly starts preparing dinner and puts another load of laundry in the wash while looking through the kids papers from school. She’ll often plop a load of clean laundry in front of Bill so he can fold it, which he’ll do if the cartoons don’t grab his attention. Continue

Communication: Can you Hear me Now?

Patrick Ward — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 21:33:39 +0000

There’s no doubt that communication is essential yet very complex. I work with a lot of couples in my private practice. During the initial visit, someone will predictably say that communication is their biggest problem. Can you guess which person says this the most? You guessed it, the woman. It has been observed that women want to talk about the relationship regularly to prevent any big problems, but men believe talking about the marriage all the time means there is a big problem! According to marriage experts Pat Love and Steven Stosny, this gender difference in desire to talk is due to women’s fear and anxiety about the relationship and men’s sensitivity to shame and failure. This shows how our own perspectives act as “filters” to any communication we receive. These filters we have often foul up the messages others are trying to send us. The result is misunderstanding, which can lead to a whole cartload of conflict. Continue

Traits of Healthy Families – Part 2

Patrick Ward — Sun, 06 May 2007 20:46:14 +0000

Last month’s column introduced the traits of good communication and valuing family time and conversation. In this issue, three more of the 15 traits from Dolores Curran’s book, “Traits of a Healthy Family” will be covered. Traits 3 – 5 have to do with providing every family member with a sense of inclusion and acceptance. Continue

Traits of Healthy Families – Part 1

Patrick Ward — Thu, 03 May 2007 20:40:14 +0000

The summer season is entering its final stretch now. Families will be trying to squeeze a few more valuable vacations in before school starts. Sometimes August feels like “the calm before the storm” because the new school year often hits like a strong wind that scatters the children and blows apart the parents’ schedules. I want to encourage you to take what time is left this summer to shore up your family relationships and overall functioning. Now is the best time to change and improve things in your family, before the frenetic pace of school begins. Rather than worry about what’s going wrong in your family, its better to focus on what you want to go right. The best way to do this is to understand what healthy families do, and emulate these traits in your own family. As Thoreau said, “…you only hit what you aim at, so aim high.” Continue

CARP: Couples Acquiring Relational Principles

Patrick Ward — Thu, 03 May 2007 20:32:03 +0000

In families, the most important relationship is the mother-father relationship. You’ve heard it said that “happy parents make happy kids?” It’s true. The stability of the family rests on the mother and father (or parent and stepparent) maintaining a strong and healthy bond. Every so often, this column will be devoted to providing information that is designed to enrich the couple relationship. This month, I want to share a couple of important relationship skills. The first is called “Sharing Withholds,” and the second is “The Habit of Happiness.” Both of these skills were taught to me by Dr. Les Parrott, a well-known author and marital expert. More information on his writings and teaching can be found at http://www.realrelationships.com. Continue

Use Consequences to Improve Your Child’s Behavior

Patrick Ward — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 21:04:56 +0000

Well-disciplined children become well-disciplined and responsible adults. A great method for instilling responsibility and discipline in your children is to use natural and logical consequences. Natural consequences are results of actions that happen as expected. For example, when you eat too much you feel sick and have an upset stomach, when you stay up too late you are sleepy the next day, etc. We learn a great deal from simply understanding that actions have certain predictable consequences. Children learn valuable lessons from experiencing the consequences of their choices. For instance, my 5 year old son is learning that when he leaves his toys outside they can get ruined or stolen. He’s learning to take care of his things. If I always pick up after him he won’t learn how to be responsible with his things. Continue

Lessons from the Love Lab

Patrick Ward — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 21:10:34 +0000

Some very compelling research on marriage has emerged from the University of Washington in the last few years. Psychology professor John Gottman and his team of researchers have developed a lab the press has dubbed “The Love Lab.” In their laboratory which is set up like an apartment, Gottman and his fellow researchers observe couples as they interact. They see it all; the good, the bad, and the ugly interactions that can take place in marriage. Each partner’s stress levels are measured several times a day through heart rate monitors, stress hormone levels, video monitoring, blood pressure, and interviews. This data is then used to create mathematical models that can predict whether a couple will divorce or not in the next three years. Research has shown their prediction models are more than 90% accurate! Continue