I see plenty of adults who are punishing themselves because they aren’t someone else. Most of them started as children who felt punished because they weren’t someone else. This someone else they never were is not even a real person, it’s an ideal. This ideal was communicated to them by their parents and it is an anachronism, a relic, based on expectations, dreams, and hopes that the parent had for their child. Parental expectations and visions of the ideal child are formed before the baby is even born. Every parent develops these hopes and dreams to some extent. Mostly these are based on societal images of success, because for some reason we equate what others view as success as the key to eternal bliss and contentment for our children. So really what parents want is for their children to be happy and content. Continue
My Articles about acceptance
Based on research and experience, it’s not just Aretha Franklin that wants R-E-S-P-E-C-T, its every one of us! We are wired to be social. In social relationships, there is an essential human need to feel loved and respected. A theory developed in 1958 by Will Schutz really spells out these needs in practical terms. This model for relationships is called the Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation, or FIRO for short. I have found this model to be very useful for helping people transform troublesome relationships into more satisfying ones. Continue
