William Glasser is the author of “Choice Theory” and developer of Reality Therapy. In his work with couples, Dr. Glasser starts out with these six important questions:
1. Are you here because you really want help? Or are you here because you have already made up your mind to divorce but want to be able to say you tried to get help?
2. Very briefly, what do you believe is wrong with the marriage?
3. Whose behavior can you control?
4. Tell me one good thing about the marriage as it exists right now.
5. Think of and then tell me something that you are willing to do this coming week that you believe will help your marriage. Whatever it is, it must be something you can do yourself. It must no depend, in any way, on what your partner should or should not do.
6. During this coming week, are you willing to try to think of an additional thing besides what you thought of here? And then do it following the same I-can-control-only-what-I-do conditions as in the previous question? Continue
Still round the corner
there may wait,
A new road or a secret gate.
J.R.R. Tolkien
To say that “Life is a journey” is an accurate statement. Oftentimes that journey takes us to unexpected places. Sometimes we end up lost, confused, stuck, or hurt along the way. When our life takes a turn (expected or unexpected) we have to adjust. Some adjustments are easier than others, and can be navigated on our own. Other times we need support and guidance along the way to fight against discouragement, hopelessness and fear.
Patrick Ward PhD is someone who can work alongside you on your journey. He has experience and extensive training that can help you navigate through difficult places. Then, having achieved success, you can continue on with a renewed hope and a sense of adventure.
There is a lot of information out there about why marriages fail. A quick search of the internet turns up articles on how communication is the key to marital success. I don’t buy it, and neither should you. Communication is important, but what many don’t realize is that we are always communicating. In fact, you cannot NOT communicate. Everything you do communicates something. Whether you communicated what you intended is another story. Tony Robbins explains it best when he says “communication is defined by the response you get.” Continue
Recently I’ve received a request to discuss adoption and issues that arise unique to this family experience. According to Terry Levy and Michael Orlans, authors in “Attachment Processes in Couples and Family Therapy”, adoption touches the lives of approximately 50 million Americans. As a result, this is a topic that is broad and deep. This discussion barely scratches the surface of the many dynamics and issues unique to adoptive families. Continue
Mike and Lori (fictional names) are headed towards divorce. Lori came home from work and found the electricity was out. She decided she’d had enough after she learned that the electric bill wasn’t paid. In fact, it was one of many bills that haven’t been paid for the last three months. When she confronted Mike about this, he lashed out that he couldn’t pay the bills because she’s been spending all her paycheck rather than putting her half into the account for paying bills. Knowing that Mike’s salary alone could cover the monthly bills, she didn’t give up solving the mystery. Lori found out that Mike bought an expensive motorcycle and has been keeping it in rented storage. Because of these secret expenses, there’s been “too much month at the end of the money” for Mike and Lori. Lori is a forgiving person, but this is the third time Mike has put them through this mess with his secret spending. They’ve already declared bankruptcy three years earlier. Continue
Stress often comes in the form of change to our lives. Therefore, it is very important that we learn how to “get a handle” on change so that we can roll with it rather than be rolled over by it. Stress can literally run you over! Did you know that researchers are finding out that emotional stress is associated with increases in heart disease as well as other stress-related illnesses such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and fibromyalgia? Continue
