Patrick Ward, PhD » Parenting

Managing the Media in your Home

Patrick Ward — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 23:48:55 +0000

What would your life be like if television, the internet, and computers suddenly didn’t work anymore? The amount of uneasiness you have in reaction to that question is a good indicator of how influential electronic media is in your life. Most of us remember the days when there was no Internet and the television offered about 12 channels. What is more, we had to get up and change the television channels manually! Now the choices for what to watch are overwhelming. Continue

Thoughts on parenting, God, and fish tanks.

Patrick Ward — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 22:14:13 +0000

Parents are given the responsibility to create an environment for their children in which to grow and thrive. God created the concept of the family as a place for children and adults experience life to its fullest. Parents create this environment for their family. I’m going to use a metaphor to illustrate my point. A fish tank is a man-made environment for fish. If the environment in the fish tank is toxic, the fish will die. The fish are not created for the fish tank, but the fish tank was created for the fish. I cannot become angry at my fish for not thriving in the environment I created for them. They can’t just conform to the environment if it’s toxic to them! If I truly value the fish, I have to change the environment to suit their needs. The fish tank is made for them, not them for the fish tank. In the same way, the family environment is made for the children (adult children included). Continue

Parenting the Aspergers Child

Patrick Ward — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 14:40:55 +0000

Parents of children with Asperger’s Syndrome have a particularly challenging role to play. To begin, the diagnosis is difficult to make. Asperger’s Syndrome can be understood generally as a severe and chronic impairment in social interaction and the development of rigid behavior patterns, restricted interests, and activities. While this “label” has become more common knowledge in the last 10 years, the disorder is not new. There is an increased awareness of the syndrome, which hopefully leads to more effective treatment and support for those who need it. A label or diagnosis is only useful if it helps secure the support and treatments to improve one’s quality of life. Continue

More About Protecting Your Kids

Patrick Ward — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 00:34:02 +0000

A Mid-Ohio Valley Parent Magazine reader suggested that I add to last month’s column on protecting children from sexual abuse by discussing some concerns more specific to teenagers. This is a good point. As children age, the parents become less of a constant presence and the children require less supervision. This growing independence for teens is natural, but also presents some risks. While we can’t always be present to guide our children safely through life, we can teach them, negotiate with them and provide open lines of communication. Continue

Personalities: Understanding yourself and your child

Patrick Ward — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:10:23 +0000

Your personality is your consistent pattern of behavior, thoughts, and emotions. It’s the characteristic way in which you respond to the world around you. About 50% of our personality is based on our genetics – the temperament we are born with. Studies of identical twins separated at birth show surprising similarities in the twins even though they were raised in completely different environments. Our environment, though, does shape us in powerful ways. Our family of origin, events and experiences in early childhood, social groups, and our culture definitely shape our patterns of behavior and how we are. Continue

Should I Sign my Kid up for Sports?

Patrick Ward — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 23:18:28 +0000

Should I Sign my Kid up for Sports? Continue

What is Asperger’s Syndrome?

Patrick Ward — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 20:21:38 +0000

Since the 1990’s “Asperger’s Syndrome” has gradually gained widespread attention. People hear this label, but in the general public it remains an enigma. The term “Asperger’s Syndrome” was first used in 1981, but refers to research by Viennese pediatrician Hans Asperger. In 1944, Dr. Asperger conducted research on a small group of boys that he observed to have atypical social and thinking patterns. As research and understanding of Asperger’s and autism in general expanded, Asperger’s Syndrome came to be understood as a form of high functioning autism. Continue

Sharing Custody, Part 2

Patrick Ward — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:57:14 +0000

Sharing custody means that a child’s parents or guardians do not live together and must negotiate caring for the child or children from two different homes. Usually this is due to a marital divorce or separation of cohabiting couples. Shared custody, or co-parenting, presents unique challenges for the parents who are trying to carry out the “best interests of the child.” Continue

Sharing Custody

Patrick Ward — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 01:21:53 +0000

The children are the ultimate victims of the conflict between the parents. A good analogy is a child in a boat and the parents are on the dock watching. The poor kid’s boat is sinking and the parents argue about who’s going to help and how are they going to help and accusing the other of not being there for the child. While the parents are arguing over these things, the child’s boat sinks and he is really at risk for drowning now. The same thing occurs emotionally for a child when the parents get stuck in a cycle of conflict over child support, visitation schedules, personal vendettas and who said what.

Homework: Taming the Bane

Patrick Ward — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 21:08:44 +0000

What child out there enjoys continuing school work at home? What parent enjoys it? I’m betting that most children and parents would rather not deal with homework. Just thinking about homework is probably not bringing up the most pleasant memories. How many of us can remember, in a memoir sort of way, sitting at a table with math work to do while looking out the window at all the other kids playing and having fun? The next day the teacher gets your homework with little smudges where your teardrops fell on the paper.
Anybody out there struggle with getting their kids to do their homework? I’m betting the majority of parents, by this point in the year, are ready to give up this struggle. The ploys that children will use to avoid doing their homework will grind on a parent’s nerves. By the time the kids are done with their homework, the parents have often developed a twitch. You may be surprised to find this out (tongue in cheek here), but some parents will do the homework and school projects FOR their children just to get it done without the fight and hassle!
When I was a kid we hardly had any homework until high school. Many of my peers have said the same. Times have changed. Now it is common for even third graders to have homework most nights of the week. In recent years there has been a growing trend towards more homework in the earlier grades. There is a great debate on the benefits of this. Some, like the authors of The Case Against Homework (Crown, 2006) and The Homework Myth (Da Capo, 2007), argue that most homework is just busywork and leads to burnout in student interest. Others argue that assigning homework trains children early to get used to heavy study loads, which makes them more successful students in college.
It sounds like a good idea to help kids learn good study habits. Its sounds like a bad idea, though, to give them busy work to accomplish that goal. Kids can learn good study habits in a short amount of time. A standard recommended by Harris Cooper, a psychology professor at Duke University, is 10 minutes of homework for every grade level. That means a third grader should have no more than 30 minutes of homework nightly. I’ve talked with stressed out students who are up until midnight doing homework. I’ve talked with stressed out parents who sit with their children for four hours a night cajoling and holding their hand until the homework is finished. That is NOT helpful. Rather than encouraging good study habits for college, these kids learn to hate studying so much they’ll avoid it at all costs.
Homework is a fact of life for kids, and for parents. It’s best to learn how to successfully get through it. Larry Koenig, author of Homework Without Hassles has three rules he suggests parents follow to successfully get their kids to independently complete their homework. The first rule is to establish a set time for homework. Based on the 10 minute per grade level guideline, set a start time as early as possible while allowing for a reasonable break after school. It’s best to do this before suppertime if possible.
The second rule is to create a homework place. The place to do homework should be quiet, free of distractions, and should have whatever the child needs to do the homework (paper, pencils, calculator, computer, etc.). This will help the child develop a habit and a mindset that work is to be done when he is in that place. Given these guidelines, the homework place shouldn’t be in front of the TV or at the kitchen table. Quiet means no noise is best or maybe soothing music if this helps.
The third rule is that homework is done alone. Dr. Koenig asserts that parents who hover and are over-active with their children’s homework are more responsible for the work, and therefore the child can’t really take the credit for getting the homework done. The result of this is that the child has learned dependency and self-doubt rather than independence and confidence. There are definitely times that a child is working on a group project and this should be done with the other students. Most of the time, though, the assignments are meant to be done on their own. So no phones, no texting. They will get done sooner, and then the phone and texting is a reward for getting it done!
Dr. Koenig states that when parents set these rules, they can expect resistance from the children. He says to remember the benefits that will happen, though, if you insist the rules be followed consistently. The benefits will be less drama and less drawn-out hassles around homework. The child will learn to work independently and manage his own responsibilities. Try it for four weeks, and see if it works better than what you are doing now. Good luck. Continue