Picture a husband and wife in their late thirties, let’s call them Bill and Marie. Bill and Marie both work and have two school-aged kids. Bill’s workday is usually finished first, so he picks up the kids on his way home. When he gets home, Bill often chills out on the couch reading the mail while his kids watch cartoons until supper. When Marie gets home she hurriedly starts preparing dinner and puts another load of laundry in the wash while looking through the kids papers from school. She’ll often plop a load of clean laundry in front of Bill so he can fold it, which he’ll do if the cartoons don’t grab his attention. Continue
Marriage
In the “crazy-in-love” days of dating through the honeymoon period, most people don’t give much thought to the impact that their spouse’s parents can have on the marriage. The truth is though, with all other things being equal, in-laws can make or break a marriage. More specifically, the husband or wife’s relationship with their in-laws and whether or not the in-laws support the marriage are very important factors in marital satisfaction and stability. These truths have been supported in research by sociologists and marital experts. So in-laws have much more to offer than comedic relief in “Everybody Loves Raymond” or being the butt of good jokes, like this one: Continue
Can marriage make you happy? Or, if you are unhappily married, will divorce make you feel better? Probably it will not. I’ve been working with couples long enough now to see patterns, tendencies, and trends in marriage and divorce. One tendency I want to highlight here is the human tendency to pursue happiness in all the wrong places and then get upset when those places in our lives don’t produce happiness. “The pursuit of happiness” was written into the U.S. Declaration of Independence by Thomas Jefferson as a right of all the people, and so we Americans expect happiness to come to us. Remember though, the right is not to have happiness, but to pursue it. Rather than pursue, I think many of us have a tendency to postpone happiness. We say to ourselves; “When (fill in the blank) happens, then I’ll be happy” or “If I get that thing, that promotion, that degree, that person, then I’ll be happy.” Continue
In families, the most important relationship is the mother-father relationship. You’ve heard it said that “happy parents make happy kids?” It’s true. The stability of the family rests on the mother and father (or parent and stepparent) maintaining a strong and healthy bond. Every so often, this column will be devoted to providing information that is designed to enrich the couple relationship. This month, I want to share a couple of important relationship skills. The first is called “Sharing Withholds,” and the second is “The Habit of Happiness.” Both of these skills were taught to me by Dr. Les Parrott, a well-known author and marital expert. More information on his writings and teaching can be found at http://www.realrelationships.com. Continue
