Well here it is. Its that time of year where every couple is expected to go out on a date. Like it or not, you need to create a situation resembling this: a table for two with candles, maybe some champagne, the ultimate romantic dinner. Chocolates and certain garments are given as gifts. It’s the perfect Valentine’s Day dinner date! While the reader can probably guess what most men are hoping to get from such efforts, can you guess what most women are hoping for? Is it to be wooed? For someone to be interested in her? To be paid attention to? To be heard? All of the above and more. Guys need this too, we just aren’t aware of it naturally. Willard Harley, author of “His Needs, Her Needs” found through his research that, more than anything else, women need the following in their intimate relationships, 1) Affection, 2) Honesty and Openness, and 3) Conversation. When these needs are met, women will often feel overwhelming desire to connect with the man in their life.
With this in mind, I encourage you to utilize the following list of conversation starters during your designated Valentine’s Day dinner date. This list is designed for both partners to ask and answer:
- What are some aspects of your work (school) that you enjoy? Why?
- What member of your family do you most resemble physically or personality-wise?
- What day of your life would you like to live over again and why?
- Who do you currently feel closest to in your circle of friends?
- Who is the most problematic person in your life right now?
- What’s one of the most exciting things you’ve done in life so far?
- What brings you the most joy and fulfillment in your life right now?
- What is something you have always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
- If you had a year and a million dollars to spend any way you wanted, what would you do?
- What’s going on for you right now that is challenging?
- When you need downtime or a break, what do you like to do?
- What are some upcoming events or tasks that you are looking forward to?
- What are some upcoming events or tasks that you are NOT looking forward to?
- If we could have two days to spend alone together, how would you like to spend them?
- What person from your childhood made you feel loved and safe?
- What do I do that provides you with love and security?
- What are some hopes and aspirations for yourself? For our relationship?
Some “Do’s and Don’ts” advice on the conversation starters:
- Don’t evaluate the answers or offer your critical opinion.
- Do stay curious and accept their responses as is.
- Don’t get offended or defensive – assume that your partner is trying to be honest and open!
- Do be honest and open with the goal being connection and relationship building.
- Don’t avoid eye contact. Listen with your whole body.
- Put the phone down while someone is talking to you.
- If you don’t feel comfortable answering the question right now, say so and don’t answer it.
- Respect respect respect your partner’s feelings, thoughts, and values.