Comments on: To the spouse who is leaving

By: shay

shay — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 16:34:30 +0000

I have talked to him and told him how I feel, and he got mad at first but I think he has relized that I am not playing. He has stopped going all the time and has started doing some things that he hasn’t being doing in a long time. I don’t no how long this is going to go on but I am willing to try to make my marriage work. Thank you for your advice Patrick. I will keep you posted on what is going to go on.

By: Patrick Ward

Patrick Ward — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 16:41:47 +0000

Based on what you have written, it sounds like your husband has already left you emotionally, and therefore you have been functioning as a single person for quite some time. If your husband is not aware of your feelings, I suggest that you make him aware, and then give him some time to see if he cares about the marriage.

By: shay

shay — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 21:43:51 +0000

Hi Patrick, I don’t want another man. I just want a piece of mine and happiness if that means I will be by myself for the rest of my life. I go to work, home and church that’s it. He is always gone I am tired of talking about him never being at home or nothing. I have to do everything myself an on my own. The only thing he wants to do is sit around and tell me what I need to do. The only thing he does is Eat, Sleep and Go. That is his whole agenda from Sunday to Sunday. I can do bad by myself. We are the only ones at home. We both work and get off at the same time. No finicial help nothing. That’s why I am going to leave him and not look back.

By: Laura

Laura — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 12:50:42 +0000

Hello Patrick. My marriage has been in trouble for two and half months that I knew of now he is not willing to try. Our marriage had been great in the past. Things like time together seemed to get lost in teh day to day goings on of life. Neither of us are or ever have been involved with anyone else. I plan to show him this article. I desperately want to work it out for us and our children. He refuses counseling. I pray daily for Gods will to be done in our lives. I hope this article speaks to him.

By: Patrick Ward

Patrick Ward — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 21:13:50 +0000

Dan, the limerence you are experiencing with the old flame is something to refrain from responding to. You say you have a good marriage. There is some reason why you married your spouse. Take a look at this article: http://www.marriagehelper.com/soul_mate.php

By: Dan

Dan — Sat, 28 May 2011 13:24:12 +0000

I am a husband who is thinking about leaving my wife. We’ve been married for eleven years, and it has been a good marriage. Recently I reconnected with an old girlfriend, one with whom I never had closure 24 years ago. We were perfect for each other, but at the time, she was 400 miles away at college. Then we lost touch. For years I held a torch for her, wondering where she went and what she was doing, but never expecting to see her ever again.

Reconnecting was like stoking the embers of a flame that had never died. She’s divorced with a son. When we first spoke on the phone, it was as if those 24 years had never happened. We knew that the feelings we have now were wrong, that I was married and nothing should ever happened, so we tried three times to cut off all communications. It didn’t work. We’ve been on the phone and texting every day since.

I feel that she was the one that had gotten away, the one that was my twin flame, my soul mate, that we have always belonged together. She feels the same. I don’t know what to do because I have always been faithful to my wife, and we have always had a good marriage until now.

By: Beth

Beth — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:05:57 +0000

I cried when I read this article, as I often do these days. I have made mistakes in my marriage that has resulted in my husband leaving me. We have two young children. I blame myself, as he wanted to try and begged me, but I was too stubborn. The day he walked out the door, I knew I was wrong for not trying, and have begged for him to try for the last 7 months, as he keeps finding reasons to delay our divorce. He says when he begged me, I told him to “get over it,” and it was only after he left that I wanted him back. He claims he is not sure what he wants, but still refuses to seek counseling with me. I know he still loves me. I have forwarded this article to him, as I do any information I find that may make hime realize our children deserve a family. Thank you.

By: Patrick Ward

Patrick Ward — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 12:40:08 +0000

Anna, thanks for your comments. I don’t know where you read on my website that I don’t take sides. If you come across a therapist that claims he doesn’t take sides, then that therapist can only reflect, not direct. Even then, a therapist will choose what to reflect, and this is a subtle form of direction.

I encourage you to read this post by William Doherty: http://www.smartmarriages.com/hazardous.html

I also encourage you to read my article on commitment, as it addresses some of your concerns about what I might be telling my clients.
http://www.patrickwardphd.com/2009/06/01/commitment/

By: Anna Pastronyk

Anna Pastronyk — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 00:50:40 +0000

Wow. You have on your website that you don’t take sides, you take the side of the marriage. That IS taking a side. Divorce CAN make you happy, when you are getting away from abusive or manipulative situations. I’ve lived it and I can say I am happier and do not regret my decision on any level. I hope you aren’t advising people to blame themselves and tough it out through bad situations. I’ve never read such a one-sided view from someone who is NOT supposed to take sides.

By: Patrick Ward

Patrick Ward — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 14:07:46 +0000

Helen, here is another resource you might find helpful: http://www.divorcebusting.com/